at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
