isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You need a sexual gate keeper
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
