C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my shit smells like andre
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
