walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My dick has a subreddit
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
