Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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