Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
