Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
