he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
