I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
