Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just want to make out with him forever
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
