3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
