hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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