apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
