My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
