It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
