I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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