so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
