I feel like I'm in dance class right now
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
