i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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