i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
