just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
