I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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