Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
