Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
well, you know. whores of a feather.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
