he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
