My room smells like vodka and shame
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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