We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
