How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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