I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
