so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
