Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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