in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
