Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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