i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize