If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
