She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
