Don't you send me to vm
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Randomize