I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
