Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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