i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
