I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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