I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
