My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize