You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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