It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
