Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Nicole vs. Life
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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