I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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