What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
