My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i out mim tonsoeep
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