I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Floor bacon is actually really good
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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