About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
