i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize