that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
that is very illegal...i love you.
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