I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
