if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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