Just cropdusted the office
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize