yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
