She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
