If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
