new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
