What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize