When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
