3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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