she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
