Can i not drive my cunt home
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
