tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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