I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
