Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
honey bunches of taint.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
