omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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