Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
