I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You may now shotgun with the bride
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
