There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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