Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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