I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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