I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
