I've blown a few things in my day
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
