I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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