and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
