ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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