do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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