i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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